Her Knight In Shining Armor
by chalaess
Summary: Story inspired by a conversation w my friend. What I think all men should have to do before they're allowed to fall in love.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own no one except Richard, Michael and Madeline.

Ok, so this is just a little story inspired by a conversation about 10 min ago between me and my friend, Ally. I think that all men should read romance novels so they don't act like morons and hide all their feelings until they risk losing their true love. So, that's what this is based on. And I'm sorry if you hate the idea of giving Ranger a romance novel and him actually reading it. I'm not sure if he ever would read it, but it was necessary for this fanfic.

Her Knight in Shining Armor

Ranger's POV

As my phone rang, I checked the caller ID and saw that it as Stephanie. Smiling, I answered. "Yo."

"Yo yourself. I'm in the elevator, will you let me up?"

Since I was at my apartment, I could only assume she meant the RangeMan elevator. Going out into the foyer, I pushed the button that would call the elevator up to me. "Alright, you should be coming up." Then I hung up.

A few seconds later, the doors opened to reveal Stephanie with a huge smile on her face and a book in her hand. I couldn't see what the book was, but something had obviously made her very happy. Since she and Morelli had broken up several months ago, I could safely assume it wasn't that she was getting married, unless there was a third guy I didn't know about. The smile, however, was the same kind of smile my sister had had when she announced that she was getting engaged. It was the same kind of smile she'd wore the entire wedding and reception.

On Celia, it made me happy, because it was good to know she was happy. On Stephanie, it made me suspicious.

I raised an eyebrow. "What're you so happy about?"

"I just read a good book. Now, I'm going to give it to you. I want you to read it and learn from it." She held out the book to me.

I looked at it and recoiled as though she was holding out a poisonous snake. The book had Her Knight In Shining Armor written across the top in large, curly letters. Even without seeing the rest of the cover, the font, not to mention the title, told me that she was trying to give me a romance novel. The picture confirmed it. A tall, dark haired, muscular, shirtless man had his arms wrapped around a woman with blonde hair, a low cut medieval looking dress, and an adoring expression on her face as she gazed up at him. And, of course, both of their hair was blowing in the wind.

"You want me to read a romance novel?" I said it with the same tone as I might ask 'you want me to castrate myself with a pair of safety scissors?'

She gave me an annoyed look, although she still had the huge smile, so it lost some of its effectiveness. "Don't think of it as a romance novel. Think of it as an instructional pamphlet, if it'll help." Grabbing my hand, she put the book in my hand by force. "Now, go read it. I'm never going to talk to you again until you've read that book. Once you're done with it, come talk to me. And I'll know if you haven't read it."

Before I could respond, she turned and flounced back into the elevator, still smiling broadly. Looking down at the book in disgust, I flipped it to the back, reading the back with the same detached interest that I'd read a copy of Cosmopolitan or some other women's magazine. Just to see what was so great about it, but not actually because I wanted to read it.

Two families. One Love.

For years, the Blackwells and the Bennets have hated each other, and the years have been marked by battles and death. Finally, it is decided that enough is enough. The hatred and the violence must no longer dictate the lives of these two proud families. So, when Madeline Bennet reaches the age when she may marry, she is given to Richard Blackwell to be his wife.

When Richard sees his bride on their wedding day, he is instantly attracted. But the prideful Madeline wants nothing to do with a Blackwell, and Richard sees Madeline only as a beautiful body that belongs to him. With the future of their families resting on their shoulders, will these young lovers find true love? Or will their pride not only tear them apart, but reignite the flames of hatred between their two families?

I'd walked back into my apartment as I read. Throwing the book onto my couch with a sound of disgust, I grabbed my phone and called Stephanie. My call went to her answering machine after the required rings.

"If this is Ranger," the prerecorded message said, "hang up and read the book. I was serious. I'm not talking to you until you've read it. And by calling me, you're proving that either you haven't read it or you didn't get it. So, go read it, again if necessary. If it's anyone else..." I hung up before hearing what she had to say to anyone else.

I looked over at the book as though it would suddenly attack me, then I walked cautiously towards it. I picked it up, then paused and dropped it again, going to my door and locking all the locks. It would definitely suck if Tank walked in while I was reading the book. Then, having ensured that no one would catch me reading Stephanie's 'instructional pamphlet' I lay down on my couch and opened it to the first page. If I had to read this crap, I might as well be comfortable.

With the wind blowing in her hair, Madeline Bennet looked sadly out of her bedroom window. Today was her last day of freedom. For tomorrow, she was to wed Richard Blackwell. Not only was he a Blackwell, which was bad enough, but she'd heard that he was a prideful, self-centered fool. Heaving a sigh, she turned to the large door of her bedroom as she heard a quiet knock. "Come in."

45 minutes later...

I raised an eyebrow as I read the next line on the page. By now, Madeline and Richard were married. It actually hadn't taken that long, only about 25 pages, but the party afterwards had taken longer. Now, Madeline and Richard were alone in their bedroom. And Richard wasted no time in taking advantage of that fact.

Though Madeline raised her chin proudly, she was secretly terrified as Richard walked towards the bed on which she sat, clad only in a thin shift that did little to hide her from his view.

I skimmed ahead a few pages. Yep, typical romance novel. Basically pornography in word form. I was hoping this wasn't what Stephanie wanted me to read and learn from. I reached over and picked up my phone, calling Stephanie. Hopefully she'd answer this time, and if not, I'd leave a message. She didn't answer, but this time the message was different. After telling me to read the book, the answering machine continued to speak to me before moving on to 'anyone else.'

"Oh, and Ranger. I don't know how fast you read, but I just realized that there could be a possible misunderstanding. The part right after the party? Where Madeline and Richard are alone? That's not what you're supposed to learn from. Or any other part along those lines." She sounded embarrassed, which I could understand. Leaving a message that anyone who called could hear, telling someone that a graphic description of sex wasn't what someone was supposed to learn from, could, I guess, be pretty embarrassing. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Now I'm not talking to you. If you're anyone else, completely ignore that whole thing..."

Again, I hung up instead of listening further. Skipping past the graphic sex scenes, I jumped to Madeline and Richard lying in bed, "their lust for each other temporarily quenched."

A/N: Ok, so this was going to be a one-shot, but I have to go to bed in 9 seconds (not going to happen, since I'm still typing this :)) and I'm not done. So, I'm posting this much now and I'll post the rest later.

And Ally, I'm sorry I couldn't post the whole thing, as I said, I have to go to bed, so I can't finish it, and I figure posting some is better than posting none. BTW, notice the Nicole reference (castrating someone w/ safety scissors) :) Fun times. I'm sad I had to cut that part out of the real book, but I think the cops would sort of investigate if someone did that. So, I'll have to work it in differently, like with Nicole using it as a threat towards Eric, or something. Anyway, gl with Malcolm X (if you're not done). And I'll post the rest tomorrow. Goodnight.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, thanks to all my reviewers. And, no offense to everyone who isn't Cokkii, but Cokkii, I think that's my favorite review I've ever gotten J I was cracking up. Anyway, here's the rest.

Another 75 minutes later...

Someone was interrupting Madeline and Richard's argument. I raised my head from the book, looking towards my door as someone pounded on it again. After glancing at the page number, I closed the book and stuffed it under the couch cushion. Standing up, I walked to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. Tank stood on the other side of the door.

"Yes?" I sounded a bit snappish, but I was frustrated. Richard and Madeline were both being idiots. It was completely obvious to everyone except them that they were in love, and yet they somehow didn't see it. Richard kept making dumb comments about Madeline loving his brother, just because Madeline and Michael, the brother were friends. And it was totally obvious to everyone except Madeline that Richard was just doing it because he was afraid of love. But since the only person who mattered (Madeline, of course) thought he actually didn't love her they're whole relationship was screwed up. And now Madeline doesn't want to tell Richard she loved him, because he's being a moron. I wish I could just go into the book and smack them both and tell them to stop being idiots and tell each other how they feel.

Tank noticed that I was a bit distracted, because he stopped whatever he'd been saying (a good thing, since I hadn't heard a bit of it). "You ok?"

I nodded. "Yeah, can you start over, though? Sorry."

Tank gave me a curious look but then complied. "We've got a meeting in half an hour. I didn't know if you remembered, because you came up here to get lunch and you have been gone over two hours."

Oh yeah...lunch. Right, I was supposed to come back down and work. "Um...yeah. Ok, I'll be at the meeting. I just got tied up with something. Stephanie needed my help with something, so I was working on something." Hopefully he didn't notice how many 'something's I'd just said.

Based on his expression, I think he did. "Uh-huh." He looked at me curiously for a moment longer before I pushed him out and closed the door. I quickly changed into a suit, since the meeting was with some Feds, and, in my experience, the meetings went smoother when I wore a suit instead of all black street clothes.

Once I was dressed, I checked my watch and saw that I still had twenty minutes. Going back to the couch, I sat down and pulled out the book. I wasn't actually interested, of course. I just needed to finish it so I could talk to Stephanie again.

Right. Maybe if I told myself a few more times, I'd start to believe it.

Fifteen minutes later…

_"Well, maybe you should tell the father." Richard gave Madeline a cold look. _

_Madeline was confused for a moment and then fury flashed across her features. "I just did." Richard made a disbelieving sound and started to leave their bedroom. "Don't be a fool, Richard! The only relationship Michael and I have is in your own head." _

_Richard turned back and this time his face was expressionless. "Go tell Michael, Madeline. I'm sure he'll be happy." In his eyes, Madeline saw anger, but, more than that, incredible sadness. _

_As he turned to leave again, Madeline reached out and put a hand on his arm. "Please, Richard." He looked back at her and she saw that this was her one chance to tell him the truth. She probably wouldn't get another one. Opening her mouth, she took the biggest risk of her life. "Richard, I _

The door opened, interrupting Madeline. Or me. Or whatever. The point was, I had to stop right as Madeline was doing something about her screwed up relationship. I made a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl and looked up to see Tank staring at me in wide-eyed amazement, his mouth open. I knew the book was pointed in such a way that Tank had seen the front cover. Even if he couldn't read the words from that far away, he could probably see the picture. And the picture didn't leave a whole lot of doubt as to what the book was about.

Knowing that it was too late to do anything about him finding out, I figured maybe if I acted normal instead of trying to hide it, I might be able to get away with the 'ruggedly handsome, very manly, but still sensitive man' kind of thing. And since there was no chance that he wouldn't see the book, it was sort of my only choice.

"Oh. Hi Tank." I very casually looked at my watch. "Sorry, I lost track of time. Good book, you know." I checked the page number and then closed the book and set it down, standing up and looking at him to check if it was working.

It wasn't. Tank looked like he was definitely struggling not to laugh. Finally he gave up and started cracking up, gasping out when he could, "You read romance novels!"

"Not plural! Just this one!" Great, not only had I just messed up the act, but it also sort of sounded like I read this book repeatedly. "And this is my first time reading it. I've never read a romance novel before in my life."

He was still laughing, so I sighed and explained as I stood up. "Stephanie says she's not going to talk to me again until I read it."

That didn't really help. He was still laughing, although it was clear he was trying to stop. "Well, that sucks. But can't you just lie?"

I gave him an annoyed look. "Yeah, that's a great idea. Poor communication is the cause of most problems in relationships to begin with. Why don't I just destroy the trust, too? Then even when I finally communicate correctly, she won't even listen to what I'm saying and believe it."

I don't know where that came from. It just poured out before I could stop it. Tank had completely stopped laughing and was no looking at me with something akin to horror. Then he looked at the book lying on my couch as though it would make him start talking like me if he spent enough time in the same room with it. He backed towards the door.

"Um, I'll be down at the meeting, you just come whenever you're done getting in touch with your feminine side."

He left closing the door behind him. I stuffed the book back in the couch just incase anyone came into my room before I could get back to it, then I went out to, closing the door behind me.

I managed to get into the elevator with him before it left, although that turned out to not be a good thing, because once the doors closed, he looked at me and asked, "So, Stephanie's actually making you read a romance novel?"

I looked at the camera that I knew was recording this whole thing, visual _and_ audio. I glared at Tank and he grinned, telling me that he was doing it deliberately.

Well, I wasn't going to take it without retaliation. "You know, I need someone to do some surveillance next weekend. Not for long, just fourteen hours or so. And I just remembered how much you love surveillance, so you can do it. I'm sure you'll have a great time: lots of hours sitting in a cramped car, drinking coffee to keep awake but not being able to go to the bathroom. You should have a great time."

I smiled at him and he glared back at me, but then suddenly he grinned. Even before he spoke, I knew I'd hate what he was going to say. Especially when the doors opened and we were now within hearing range of a bunch of my other men, not to mention eight feds.

"You know Ranger, that's not very nice. And it seems like there's gotta be something in your romance novel that you should re-read. Probably cruel and unusual punishment falls into the list of things you shouldn't do in a relationship. Just like, what was it you were lecturing me about earlier? Poor communication and destroying the trust. Maybe you should just go with your original plan and skip the meeting and finish up your book."

I was going to kill him one of these days. I looked up and saw that all my men either had expressions of disbelief, or they'd now passed that and gone onto amusement and were trying very hard not to laugh at me. A quick glance at the Feds showed that they had the same mix of expressions.

Except for two of the Feds who were women. They were looking at me with an expression that I didn't really know how to describe. It pretty much got explained when one of the men, who knew to be the taller one's partner, got past the disbelief stage and smiled broadly, barely keeping himself from laughing. He was unfortunate enough to be within hitting range of both women, because they both smacked him on the chest in unison, as though they'd planned it out before hand.

Then his partner spoke, glaring at him. "Don't laugh. If more men read romance novels, you guys wouldn't be such idiots."

She smiled at me, not in the 'I'm trying really hard not to laugh' way, but instead in the 'If it wasn't common knowledge that you were already claimed, I'd marry you right now' kind of way.

60 minutes later... Stephanie's POV 

I pulled up at the office and saw that Ranger's truck was already there. Hopefully he wasn't here to try to talk to me without having read the book. Because I'd refuse.

Walking into the office, I first saw Connie and Lula staring at the couch, eyes wide, mouths dropped open. I turned and had the same reaction when I saw Ranger on the couch.

It wasn't so much the fact that he was on the couch that was shocking, it was that he had a fluff smile on his face.

"What's a fluff smile?" Ranger asked it as he stood up.

I grinned. "It's what's on your face. A smile that comes from the emotional high from reading romance novels. Which means that you've read the book. Which means I can talk to you."

"Ah." Ranger just stood there, fluff-smiling at me for a few more seconds. "Um, I need to talk to you outside."

Connie and Lula both let loose blissful sighs and a quick check confirmed that they were now sporting their own fluff smiles.

Seeing Ranger's confused look, I took him by the arm and led him outside. Then I turned and looked at him expectantly.

"Well, the ending was good, but in the middle, it was the most annoying thing I've ever read." Without warning, he launched into a rant worthy of a devoted romance novel reader who'd read five books a week for the past three years. "Richard was a complete idiot! It was totally obvious that Madeline loved him, and she loved him, but they were both being so busy making sure they didn't get hurt that they nearly lost what they had between them. Plus, they were letting their families get in the way. Madeline kept listening to what her mom was saying about how horrible Richard was, and Richard just accepted that everything his brothers were saying was the absolute, unbiased truth." Suddenly, he switched to a rant about real life. "Which, really, is sort of what you've been doing. It's obvious your mom would rather have you marry Morelli then have anything to do with me, but really, are you going to let her mess up your life? I'm not saying all the problems in this relationship are your fault. I've done a ton of stupid stuff too. Like the deal, and me always adding stuff when I tell you I love you. Definitely not my greatest moments. And I'm sorry. I've been an idiot. Stephanie, I love you."

Then, taking advantage of my slightly open mouth and my shocked silence, he pulled me to him and gave me a kiss that probably would have convinced me to love him even if I'd been plotting his murder before the kiss.

He released me and looked at me expectantly, clearly waiting for some sort of response from me.

"Uh…going with the direct approach, I see." Dumb. Why'd I say that?

He shrugged. "It worked for Richard and Madeline."

I smiled. It was true. Except that in the book, Madeline had been the one doing the ranting, and Richard had cut her off by kissing her breathless and then telling her he loved her while she was still trying to catch her breath. Oh well, I guess Ranger could do the whole thing. "I love you too, Ranger." The fluff-high, which had started to wear off, now came back in full force and I kissed him again.

When we separated again, he looked at my huge smile. "I thought fluff smiles were for books?"

I shook my head. "They are the 'aw, that's so sweet' reaction. Or the 'I'm totally in love' reaction. Either one works."

"So Connie and Lula haven't read the book?"

I shook my head. "But I told them what I did. They got the fluff smiles because you said you wanted to talk to me and it was pretty obvious what it would be about."

"What if I'd wanted to ask you about a distraction job? They couldn't know."

I shook my head, still smiling hugely. "No one asks someone to strip down to almost nothing and seduce someone else while wearing a fluff smile caused, even indirectly, by the person they're talking to."

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a wolf smile. "Well, am I allowed to ask you to strip down to nothing and seduce _me_ while I'm wearing a you-induced fluff smile?"

A/N: Ok, I couldn't think of a very good ending, sorry. Anyway, I hope you liked it, even though it was a weird idea. If I think of a better ending later, I'll come back and add it in, or change it or whatever. Please review it. :)

Oh, and I just discovered, while writing this, that trying to glare at someone so they'll leave you alone, to let you finish writing a fanfic, while you have a fluff smile on your face, really doesn't work. It loses it's effectiveness.


End file.
